I Finally Found a Solution to GM's Image Problem

"No, I don't thank you for the fish at all" (notindetroit)
09/03/2015 at 15:15 • Filed to: Automotive marketing, oppositelock culture, chevy malibu, car

As you may have heard, the midsize car is in crisis mode right now. Everyone wants tall wagons, also known as SUVs/CUVs. For the few that still want a lowly midsizer or even the “big, traditional full-size car” (never mind that they’re all FWD V6-powered platform mates of their smaller brothers), Toyota and Honda dominate by far. The domestic brands who once filled America’s roadways with sedans and proper wagons are now left sadly behind with no choice but to push Tauruses and 200s onto rental lots. How can GM avoid the same fate with the newly redesigned Malibu? Give it an image makeover!

No seriously this is from !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! I did not rip this off from Autoblopnik

Toyota knows exactly what to do with their image. They’ve earned their image during the same era Chrysler and others were squandering theirs under a mound of “rich Corinthian leather.” Toyota’s brand capital is such that they can get away with the following while wearing a completely straight face:

Toyota gets what they’re selling, and what the people want it: it’s a car! A car that will get them from Point A to Point B with air conditioning and Pandora compatibility and won’t leave you stranded with a coolant leak or afflict its driver with a gawdawful It’s Always Sunny In North Korea Gray interior.

Image credit World Maritime News

Look at how BAe Systems handles the branding for the “Aircraft Carrier Alliance” to manufacture !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! . There’s no mistaking this for a pleasure boat. It tells you right up front what it is: Aircraft Carrier(TM) by BAe Systems(R).

I think there is a lot to learn from the back-to-basics approach in marketing. “Chevy Malibu” doesn’t have a lot of cachet with anybody aside from the baby boomer generation accustomed to seeing Chevelle before Malibu . Simplifying the process and coming up with a new brand that can sear itself into the mind of the public makes the car almost market itself. Forget the self-driving car; imagine the costs savings GM will realize once it fires all those knuckleheads with their fancy-schmanzy over-glorified arthouse “ marketing” degrees!

And on that note, Ladies and Gentlemen:

I’ll accept my millions in the form of Scrooge McDuck-style moneybags with large dollar signs printed on them, GM.

You cannot deny the genius behind this concept. It answers all the basic marketing questions: will the consumer know what it is? Of course! It’s Car(TM)! No longer will prospective buyers be confused about the possibility of buying a California beachfront timeshare instead of a mode of conveyance! If anybody has any questions whatsoever about the product, the salesfloor merely has to crack open a dictionary:

a vehicle that has four wheels and an engine and that is used for carrying passengers on roads

GM can be the very first auto manufacturer to directly incorporate Merriam-Webster into its new marketing campaign!

So howabout it, am I on to something? When should I expect those money bags to arrive? Or am I completely off my rocker more than usual?

DISCUSSION (7)

Jordan and the Slowrunner, Boomer Intensifies > No, I don't thank you for the fish at all
09/03/2015 at 15:24

The only new car that is uglier than the Malibu is the Prius, and at least with the Prius it’s probably for aerodynamic reasons.

x87172 > No, I don't thank you for the fish at all
09/03/2015 at 15:27

Some good thoughts. You’re right, if Chevy is serious about moving the kind of volume that Toyota does, today’s consumers want reliable and resale value + tech and a dash of exterior style.

They’re just as bad as Chrysler was with these idiotic “it feels like a BMW” commercials.

Captain of the Enterprise > x87172
09/03/2015 at 15:34

I hate these commercials

What kind of car do you think it is while there is a Chevy logo on the steering wheel, the nav screen on startup and on the front and rear of the car.

It’s almost as bad as the Ecoboost commercials with the “Its a 6 cylinder that acts like an 8” nonsense, its just a smaller engine with a turbocharger.

TrickJos > No, I don't thank you for the fish at all
09/03/2015 at 15:44

Ugh, the Malibu has such an awful face. Something about the bowtie being placed between the two grilles rather than in the center of the upper grille really screws with my eyes too. Anybody else have this issue?

Sweet Trav > TrickJos
09/03/2015 at 16:03

Yes, and i fixed it a while ago.

http://oppositelock.kinja.com/i-fixed-the-20…

Bman76 (no it doesn't need a WS6 hood) M. Arch > No, I don't thank you for the fish at all
09/03/2015 at 16:15

I kinda like the new Malibu, which is odd because the Impala does nothing for me.

wiffleballtony > No, I don't thank you for the fish at all
09/03/2015 at 16:25

I think their biggest problem is they are by and large a very beige manufacturer. Unfortunately Toyota can out beige anyone. Therefore they should go in the opposite direction mote akin to Ford. Performance models of everything.